Who I'd like to meet:
September 12, 2006 my husband quit a 29 year addiction to pornography. Here is our story…..
When I first found out my husband had a problem with Porn, I thought it was my fault, that I wasn’t meeting his “needs” and he had to turn elsewhere for that satisfaction. I felt betrayed, hurt, angry, rejected. I cried out to God "why?!?!?!" This wasn’t what I planned for my perfect Christian marriage. I prayed, I journaled, then I tried to dress sexier, I lost more weight, everything I thought he wanted... of course nothing worked…. He would “quit” for a bit when I found it and cried, and then I’d find it again, sometimes the next day. I thought my marriage was over and he didn’t love me. I began to snoop on him constantly and I didn’t trust him anymore at all. But as my husband began to slowly share more and more with me, I found out that this was something he had been dealing with for many years. A very long deeply rooted addiction is what we were dealing with, not just a passing faze….and I finally realized it wasn't about me. It was about him. For the longest time, I felt alone and ashamed... I didn't tell anyone. We struggled together, what would other people think? I was too afraid and too prideful, I thought that people would feel sad for me or look at my husband and think he was a bad person, or lose respect for him, or question his or my walk with God, our involvement in church, etc. But as I began to trust a few women and talk, I found out that I wasn't alone. I kept hearing "oh yes we have that problem" or "my husband isn't allowed on the internet when I'm not home". I found out that this is a problem for so many marriages!
Then several months ago he broke free, for real. As our relationship has begun to heal, as I have been learning to trust him again, I felt that God wanted me to start this space. I don’t claim to have the perfect marriage or all the answers to things. I know that everyone’s situation and story is different. But I know that recovery can happen. We as humans are responsible for our actions, but I also know that we are all sinners fallen from the grace of God…and that we all need Christ.
Everyday is a new day, a chance to stay porn free, and it doesn't always end up that way. Our hope and faith are in God. We grow together and fight this together, daily. I still cry when he slips up, but I rejoice in God's grace to start fresh in His forgiveness!
This space is meant for support, resources and prayer.
Please note, as I add "friends" I cannot guarantee the content of their pages or the friends they might have. If you are a sex addict or struggling with internet porn, etc PLEASE don't explore my pages alone. I will do my best to maintain purity and intergity with the people I add, but it's not worth exploring if it's going to drag you down.
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